So here’s that post about birth stories. It’s taken time. I hope I am going to make sense here; it is hard to find words for events as huge as giving birth, and my brain’s still a little bit mush.
I thought I might write Batu’s story just after we’d settled down a bit. Maybe after Christmas. Or around the time of the fourth anniversary of Kaya’s birthday.
Three months ago I left our house on a clear October afternoon to have my baby, and came home the day after he was born with our beautiful, peaceful, loved little boy.
Batu’s birth was beautiful, and incredibly hard. It was not free of drugs and interventions as planned. In the end, it did not take place in the midwife-led unit as expected. I was not in the water in the birthing pool, but on a hospital bed.
Neither of my two birth stories are the easy, beautiful kind that you love to share.
So I started asking myself if I really wanted to put my experiences out there. Why. Who for.
Before Batu’s birth, I googled positive birth stories. I had my own first experience of giving birth to know that things don’t always go to plan. Things don’t always work out the easy way.
They may work out in incredibly difficult ways, but still I consider both my birth stories beautiful. Difficult, painful, maybe a little disappointing when all did not go to plan – but beautiful.
In both stories, I ended up holding a tiny human being in my arms, which was absolutely perfect in every way. I held my children, both of them amazing miracles, and such blessings.
However I got to that moment, whatever I felt during the hours leading up to that point, whatever our bodies went through, we made it. Batu was born healthy and well, as Kaya was born before him, and I gave birth to them.
Not in the way I had hoped and imagined perhaps, but – whatever the story – both births were profound experiences that I shall always carry with me.
And with all the similarities, this time was different. We healed faster. We worried just a little bit less. We love more, for now there are two little boys here, where a few years ago there were only two people.
It all is quite incredible.